Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
