your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
