His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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