I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
