So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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