Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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