HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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