i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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