smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
