i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
