I can text with my tongue
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i wish my penis had a tongue
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
