hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
