The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
