My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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