no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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