I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
