Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
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i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
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And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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