Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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