my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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