This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Everclear isn't food dammit
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
