all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Dear god my vagina.
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