She's JV to your varsity
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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