You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
