i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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