This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
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he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
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I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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