You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
