Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
they're like a gay fantastic four
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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