try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
