My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
