I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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