I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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