and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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