can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm jealous of your bromance
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
