Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
