Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize