Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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