I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
