Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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