I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
