I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
