this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
