She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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