im so drunk with asians
where?
always
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
