She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
