p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
