After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
