Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
