I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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