Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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