No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
