There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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