yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
