If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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