I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
