She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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