Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
