you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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