he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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