she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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