Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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