I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
