I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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