Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
