I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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