So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
