I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
How's work?
Spinning.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
