Don't make out with my wife yet
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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