I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
