i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
