Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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