I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Randomize
