you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize
