Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
