Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
