I showed him my bush... on skype.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just found a bag of teeth...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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