I got chris browned last night
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
