Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
