Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
